Wednesday, April 13
i. am. so. annoyed. like for heaven's sake, shut up already. which sane parent blames the kid for falling sick? is it my fault i am allergic to her school? is it my fault that my condition dictates that i am suceptible to colds and flues? apparently it is - ' see, you hardly eat at dinner, no wonder you're always sick' [ i eat after school, since my breaks are so irregular, if you don't like that, tell the administration then, why tell me? like i can eat in class.] ' you didn't take your supplements again! that's why you're always sick!' [
always is a bit of an exaggeration, no?] ' you should stop giving tuition! then you won't always be sick.' [ i can earn my own money, thank you very much.] and then when i mention i asked for a new course of painkillers, she demands to know why i am still having migraines. like. maybe it's because i still have fibromyalgia, and it never went away? ever thought of that? that i'm not making myself have migraines. i'm not making myself throw up. i'm not making myself catch colds. or scar easily. and take forever to heal. maybe it's because i have a condition. that maybe, isn't going away not because i'm willing it to stay, but because there's no known cure? ever thought that maybe i don't want it either? i feel tired too okay. so very very fatigued. bending over in lecture is a pain, literally. walking too fast makes me nauseous. i sleep a gazillion number of hours a day and still fall asleep in lecture. i hyperventilate a lot. it's not such a game for me either okay. just leave me alone.
despite my everlasting whining, i did have fun today after school with mari and dipsy. ate at balmoral.. ate a
lot at that. hee. thanks for the afternoon yeah? tons of fun. :) my gosh we ate so muchhh. okay i should study for the test i didn't take yesterday. sigh. i wish i were like other people. how fun and carefree it would be. overeat and not care about what happens after that. stay out all night and not worry about a migraine the next day. run in the rain without the fear of catching a cold in an hour. maybe join badrec like they're always telling me to. whacking the shuttlecocks past each others faces. but i'm scared of the pain, of the fatigue that comes after it. i'm supposed to exercise, but i'm not sure where's the limit. so tired. gotta read through indigenous collaboration.
missing ya. but i guess i'll see you on friday, at anne of green gables. i'll hang on til then. i promise not to die. promise me you'll hang on too. :) love ya right up to the moon and back. xoxo
it must've been love.
8:44 pm
xoxo
